i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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