whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
