My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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