Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
