I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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