I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
