So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
