Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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