How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
