Me. At least after what I've been through.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
