I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
