I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
