my phone cant type all the emotion im having
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
