I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
