waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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