worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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