Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
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