I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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