he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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