so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
