I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Sober January is a disaster.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
