Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
