she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
i came on her dog
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
