Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize