There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
