i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
When are your genitals available?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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