You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
i think i just lost a toe
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
