hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize