i think i have herpe
just one?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
