Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize