I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Randomize