Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
