Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize