Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
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