Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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