i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
