oh god the rape fog is back!
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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