remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
