i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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