Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
