Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
