after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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