I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
This show inspires me to have sex in space
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
