So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
