Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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