I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
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Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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