dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
