nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize