i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
