So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
