i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
my god I love twenty year old dicks
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
