Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize