why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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