if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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