yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
