My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
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My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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