Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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