Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
