I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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