is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
