He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
