I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
