A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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