found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
