Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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